I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
