and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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