you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
