can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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