We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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