It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
