I feel like I'm in dance class right now
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
