She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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