I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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