Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
