the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
