We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
