forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
