I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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