i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
there was a trapeze. enough said
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
