THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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