i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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