my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
