but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
