Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
