Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
