He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
