Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
