I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
