Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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