i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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