Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
