dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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