i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
