So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
