dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he was CRYING into my vagina
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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