And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
