She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
