What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
