Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
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