i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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