Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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