the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
