How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
