remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
please come you make the beer taste better
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
