she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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