plz talk dirty to me
I smell stomach acid.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Randomize
