Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
