Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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