maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
