'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
