...so i touched it.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
