do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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