you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
