Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
