Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i will never coherently bang her
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
