You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
