11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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