literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize