Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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