Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
ttyl tear gas
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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