Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
