Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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