I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
