I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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