Do you still have your period?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
