I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
