it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
