Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
