Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
