What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
