smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
