she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
