and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
