A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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