I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
