Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
It was confusing and full of hummus
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
