I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
