The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
