FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
